I loved being pregnant. Yes I was uncomfortable, yes I had problems with my back, yes I struggled to move without waddling in the last few weeks (and oh the tiredness). But in general, I felt amazing. I could let my "bump" (or was it cake) hang out without ever feeling like I needed to "suck it in". I wore figure-hugging dresses and caressed my beautiful protrusion. I happily accepted offers from people offering me a seat on the train, and enjoyed (possibly too much) "eating for two."
What I hadn't anticipated, however, were the extraordinary things that were asked of me now I was great with child. Suddenly it seemed that no question or comment was off-limits. Here, much like one of the 90s compilation CDs I so used to enjoy, are the top ten things people said to me whilst I was pregnant that I never expected to hear:
10. "Were you trying for a while?" Translation: "how much sex did you have before you got one that stuck?" What possible help could this information be to anyone who asked?
9. "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" Translation: "we all know that boys/girls (depending on who is asking) are better, and so should you."
8. "Cor, you're looking MASSIVE." Translation: "you took eating for two far too seriously..."
7. "How are you feeling about the birth - I bet you're dreading it." Translation: "my sister/friend/person I met on the bus/I had a difficult birth, and it would be cathartic with me to share that with you."
6. "Are you really thinking about going back to work?" Translation: "Good mums don't work - didn't you know?"
5. "I can see you're looking tired!" Translation: "I can see you're looking rough..."
4. "Oh it's your second - well that one will just slide out then." Translation: "clearly you now have a stretched vagina."
3. "Look at your bum! It's almost certainly a girl." Translation: "wow your bum has got big."
2. (in an attempt to guess the gender of the bump): "Did you know that what position you conceive in can make a difference? What position did you go for in the end?" Translation: "let me be titillated by your sex life."
And in at number 1.... "Didn't you JUST get promoted at work? That's interesting timing..." Translation: "you're so selfish for having a baby."
What extraordinary comments have you been subject to as a pregnant woman? I'd love to hear in the comments below...